Pimp my NINO

The brilliant and lovely Hattie Crisell has retweeted a message from @sexyexcutive, a twitter character who embodies all that's fascinating and repellent about the executive lifestyle. It goes "I pay a bit of extra tax in return for a more memorable and prestigious National Insurance number."

And of course there are people who would do that. I think the government's missing a trick here. This could be as big a money-spinner as personalised number plates. That's established the principle that vanity is a taxable commodity, so let's extend it. How much would Peter Stringfellow pay for a NINO that reads, when you turn it upside down, "I had to have my penis surgically reduced in size (because I care about women)".

Postcodes could be next. In this modern world there's no need for a postcode to be determined by something as arbitrary as your address. I'm stuck with an SE6 postcode, while I'm actually an SE3 kind of guy. I'd be willing to pay more for that.

There could be an auction for the most prestigious codes. Hey, MPs, you want to keep SW1A 0AA? It'll cost you.

And once postcodes are disassociated from actual geography, journalists will have to find a new phrase to deplore perfectly logical and understandable local variations in health care, because there really will be a postcode lottery, presented weekly by Jenny Falconer and some bloke from Bolton.