Off target

Advertising anything to me is pretty pointless, because I just don't buy much. But there's been a lot of concern about how much Facebook knows about us, and how it delivers us to advertisers with sinister precision.

Here are the advertisers who've presumably paid a tiny fee to Facebook to get my attention this morning.

First up, a hotel in Manchester. I've no idea how I could have given the impression I might be interested in this.


Then American Express. Like I need a new way to pay for things I don't even buy.
 

Bizarrely, a Brazilian dentist.


Michael Parkinson wants to sell me some kind of policy.


Oh well, if I'm staying in Manchester, I might as well do the Great Manchester Run. As if!


And then, if it turns my fingers white - whiter than they already are, I presume - here's someone to help my claim compensation.

I think we're a long way off from being Facebook's property yet.

Charlton 4 Bristol City 1

Once again the season ended with a happy day and a feeling of optimism. While there weren't the spectacular scenes of last year, once again we could reflect on a season that turned out to be a bit better than most people expected, and much, much better than some feared a couple of months ago.

I won't go into details of the game, particularly not the first half.

Just as we were all settling down for a similarly uneventful second half, Yann Kermorgant scored a brilliant goal - an unstoppable volley from a cross by Mark Gower - that threw wide open the goal of the season contest and ushered in a free-flowing display by Charlton. Although Bristol City were understandably not very good and not very interested, in that form Charlton could have beaten anybody in the division. One more goal from Kermorgant, one from Obiobiobika, and the last from Johnnie Jackson couldn't have gone to more popular players.

But, then again, every player is popular. You can search through the team and you won't find anyone who doesn't deserve their place. There are no skivers in the team, and what's more they all seem to be decent human beings. It's all so different from when Pardew's mercenary millionaires were underperforming on a weekly basis. I often wonder if fans of Chelsea, say, ever get bored of sighing "Yes, I know, perhaps he has shagged his mate's girlfriend/has shot a work-experience trainee/is a racist - but he's a really good player". We never have to do that. I've never met the man, unfortunately, but get the feeling that Chris Powell has high moral standards, and he infuses them into the squad. (Oh, I love him so much it's embarassing!)

As in all good parties, the guests get party bags, and Bristol City's was a silly goal. I hope they do well next season. It's always struck me as ridiculous that Bristol - England's sixth most populous city - can't seem to sustain a top-flight football club.

In other results, Millwall (bastards!) were saved from relegation by Crystal Palace (bastards!), who managed to stay in the playoffs. Wolves, disastrously but deservedly, whimpered into League One, and in a dramatic series of events Hull City became hot favourites for relegation next season.

All the drama elsewhere means that very few people will pay attention to Charlton's performance today, so Nick Pope will have to wait for his name to be used wittily in a witty headline. But those of us who were there will wonder what might happen next. Chris Powell took half a season to work out how to win League One. He's had a whole year to suss out the Championship. I'm really looking forward to next season.

Charton 2 Wolves 1

I'm going to slightly adapt my last post.

As so often at the Valley this season, the game was settled by a very late goal, but I think this was the first second time that Charlton did the scoring. Five minutes into added Just before the end of normal time Jonathan Obika met a cross from Rhoys Wiggins and headed it struck the ball firmly into the covered end goal, to give Charlton the three points their display absolutely more or less deserved.

The two other goals aren't really worth describing. They were scrappy goals in a scrappy game, particularly in the first half, when both teams treated it as a meaningless end-of-season fixture. Which is understandable, if not excusable, for Charlton. Other results meant that even if Charlton had lost, their position in the Championship would be secure. But Wolves' attitude was astonishing. Criminal. They're on the verge of a second consecutive relegation, but always looked as if they'd be happy with a point. The only time they looked at all concerned was for the nine minutes of the game they were losing.

In the second half, though, Charlton did look as though the game meant something, and the result means a thoroughly improbable combination of results could see them in the play-offs. What larks that would be, although no-one would have any great expectations. It would feel so beautifully cheeky to sneak into the big boys' playground, not caring what the result would be. It's very, very unlikely, though: a long shot, as unlikely as Karl Henry's 45-yard attempt midway through the first half, which beat everyone but the crossbar. It would have been a goal to remember, and the home crowd applauded, almost wishing it had gone in. That's something that generally only happens at the fag-end of the season.

The win didn't matter, but it was nice to get it. A third home win in a row. I'm not superstitious. I don't believe in lucky pants or anything like that. But is it a mere coincidence that Charlton have won all three home games since I've started cycling to them? Is it, huh, is it?

Of course it is. But actually, laydeez, may I mention: any pants I wear consider themselves lucky. Allow.

Charlton 2 Leeds 1

As so often at the Valley this season, the game was settled by a very late goal, but I think this was the first time that Charlton did the scoring. Five minutes into added time Jonathan Obika met a cross from Rhoys Wiggins and headed it firmly into the covered end goal, to give Charlton the three points their display absolutely deserved.

Earlier, the first half had seen a smart opening by Leeds dwindle away, and Charlton took control of the match, but failed to score. Shortly after the restart, though, it was who else but Johnnie Jackson who got the scoring started. The ball was rattling around Leeds' penalty area and bounced off a defender into his path. He took a moment to steady himself, and perhaps to give thanks that the defender had played him onside, and slotted the ball under the goalkeeper. It was a classic Jackson goal: he was in the right place at the right time and just had to keep his head.

Charlton only showed a little of the headless chicken syndrome that has followed them taking the lead in earlier matches, but unfortunately it resultled in the Leeds equaliser, Luke Varney showing a ruthlessness that he didn't often display in a Charlton shirt.

It looked like it would be a draw, and that felt unjust. Charlton had been much the better team, with everyone putting in a good performance. So Obika's goal restored a little equity to the world. That's one less problem for Dr Who to sort out. It also sent the home crowd into raptures, for at least three reasons:

1. It makes relegation pretty damn unlikely now.
2. It's always good to get a winning goal in the 95th minute.
3. It's always good to beat Dirty Leeds.

For they were quite dirty, and lucky to finish with 11 players on the pitch. They also benefited from a referee who had apparently decided to give the concept of handball a day off. Some fans half-heartedly booed him at the end, but it wasn't a day for that.

You have to admire the Leeds fans, though. They've had years of disappointment, with incompetent or borderline dishonest management, but still sold out the Jimmy Seed stand, and kept singing their dreary song all through the second half. And they hate Millwall.

Charlton 0 Burnley 1

A super goal from Charlie Austin gave Burnley all the points on an intermittently sunny after ...

No. No match report tonight. I want to speak directly to the man sitting next to me, and probably to the man sitting next to you.

You, my neighbour, do nothing to support the players. You don't clap the team onto the pitch. You never cheer or applaud good play, or wince and sympathise when a good idea doesn't work, or when a bold attempt at a brilliant pass misses by inches, giving the ball away. When a particular player makes a couple of mistakes you start grumbling "What a waste of space - get him off, Powell!" As the game goes on, you fold your arms tighter across your chest, determined to be unimpressed by all you see. (If the wind changed, you'd be stuck with that angry frown forever, you know.)

You may be a spectator but you're not a supporter. Suppporting a football club is more than turning up every fortnight and expecting to be entertained. It's about giving something to the players, in the bad times even more than in the good times. You, my neighbour, don't have the right to criticise players for not giving everything, when you've given nothing. You don't have the right to say they're too slow to find a teammate when you're too quick to find fault.

Charlton's home form is a problem. It's complex, and no-one seems to know what to do about it. But what's obvious is that getting on the players' backs isn't the solution. It's a very old principle, but true: if you've nothing helpful to say, shut up. Or go and watch Chelsea.


Editor's note: just imagine how many expletives I deleted in preparing this post for publication.

Charlton 0 Nottingham Forest 2

But does she have a magic left peg?

When two men are in love with the same woman, they have, despite their rivalry, a mutual respect for each other. For example, while I know for certain that Penelope Cruz would be happier with me, I can't help thinking that Javier Bardem must be a decent bloke to value her as much as he does.

It's like that with Charlton and Forest fans. We both love Andy Reid, and we both know that he was at his best with us. And we both despise Tottenham Hotspur, who didn't know what to do with him. (They were very much the Tom Cruise in the relationship.)

Reid was on brilliant form today, unfortunately. I'm pretty sure his pass that set up Forest's first goal was a piece of brilliance, which I'll want to see again. He was always at the heart of a very accomplished performance by his team, which brought out a lacklustre display from a tired-looking Charlton squad. How did that team achieve such a great result at Leicester in the week?

The opening of the game was sometimes embarrassing, with Charlton losing the ball again and again. Things were beginning to improve (I think) when Yann Kermorgant was sent off after about 35 minutes. Apparently it was a fair decision. He reacted badly to blatant obstruction by Greg Halford and lashed out at him. From then the only question was how badly Charlton would lose, and a 2-0 defeat was pretty good in those circumstances.

Lots of unhappy people at the end of the game, but really it was just a bad day at the office, an office in which the heating had broken down. We'll get over it. Like eventually I'll get over the fact that Penelope bizarrely chose to live in Los Angeles with a handsome sexy actor, rather than in Catford with me.

Charlton 1 Birmingham 1

As is Charlton's way this season, you found yourself wanting Charlton to score, but fearing the consequences if they did. Birmingham were possibly the worst team who've turned up at the Valley this season, and for 86 minutes Charlton - in particular Ricardo Fuller - were creating chance after chance, but never converting. Two main causes, I think: the pitch, after 10 months of continuous rain and a bit of snow, is in the worst state I've ever seen it; and Jack Butland in the Birmingham goal. Apparently he's only 19. Who knows how good he'll turn out to be when he grows up?

But finally the goal came. It was the right kind of goal for the conditions: a cross from Chris Solly headed in by Yann Kermorgant after 87 minutes. I was stupid enough to believe that was enough to win it, but the usual happened. As four minutes of injury time started, Chris Powell made two substitutions, presumably just to waste some time. And a late Birmingham equaliser followed. I don't know if the substitutions were a mistake, but a lot of people thought so. I do know that if he hadn't made those substitutions, there was still every chance of Charlton conceding and if that had happened, he'd have been pilloried for not making them. I believe it's known as a no-win situation.

No-one in yesterday's team wanted to lose that lead. Every one of them will feel gutted about it and will know that it's part of a pattern. Glibly, one could say that they panic now going into the last ten minutes of a game with any kind of lead. But what does that mean? I wish I knew, but even more I wish I was a sports psychologist. You could earn a fortune analysing that kind of team behaviour, and no-one will be able to say you're wrong. In the end, you'll appear to have earned your money, because the team will change its ways and stop throwing away leads. It'll do that anyway, with or without your help, of course, but you'll be on your way to a really well-paid job in Manchester by then.

So, not much of a match report today, but really good careers advice. When you're minted, remember me. Ten per cent of net earnings should be sufficient.